Bathing Beauties

Photo courtesy H&M.  

Originally posted in The CLOSET

It's time.  You know it.  You look into your closet and lying in a forlorn little basket or drawer is your pile of washed-up, worn-out bathers.  Some were super cute 15 years ago but they've aged (and so have you), and now those tiny triangle cups and that Hawaiian print just feel so so wrong.  You dig a little deeper and out comes a sporty one-piece but as you hold it up to the light of day, you discover a see-through patch that explains why those splash-pad dads looked so giddy last year.  Times have changed and so have you, and try as you might to avoid it, it's time to go bathing suit shopping.  Dun Dun Dunhhhh.

While hitting the mall is (by most women's standards) a totally enjoyable experience, swimsuit shopping is about as fun as torture by waterboarding.  Unless, that is, you're armed with the right tools.  You've got enemies lurking in those change rooms so it's essential to come prepared.  These tricks will help get you through it and emerge, victorious and goddess-like from the fitting room and into the cool, calming waters of the ocean, lake or pool.  After all, it's only a little bathing suit. How bad can it possibly be?

The CLOSET's Tips to Vanquishing Swimsuit Shopping Failure:

1) Do your hair.  Throw on a little makeup.  If you go in there looking like you just rolled out of bed, the bathing suit might mistake your lack of effort for not caring.  If you don't care, the suit won't make an effort to make you look hot, either.  

2) Apply self-tanner.  It's been a long winter and a little colour goes a long way in fighting the Fluorescent Lighting Foe.  He's bad, he's mean and he has no mercy.  Still he'll take it a little easier on you (and your legs, and your bum) if you've got a little tan. 

3) If you hate self-tanner, bring sunglasses.  You'll be wearing them at the beach so you might as well bring 'em to the change room, plus they'll filter the light to a much more flattering effect.  Ahhh...that's better...

4) Conquer the mirror with a pair of wedges.  They instantly make your legs look more taut and give you a little lift, which you desperately need when prancing about in a piece of fabric the size of your palm.  Wear low to mid wedges on your shopping trip (avoid super high ones or you might take a header out of the change room, landing face first, half-naked into a sea of horrified shoppers.  I say this from experience)

5) Know your body.  We're not all Gisele.  Okay, none of us are Gisele (except for Gisele which is why she gets paid 6 billion dollars a year for her bod).  Know thyself, love thyself and know that there is a bathing suit out there that will work for you (see below).  Oh, and after you're done, every woman deserves a big fat ice cream (margarita, whatever...) for a job well done. Let's just call it part of the 'process', shall we?