I Dream of Jimmy

Dream Rope-Tie Elaphe Sandals, $1,495, NET-A-PORTER

How insane are these Jimmy Choo sandals? Like crazy, amazing, cramazing. And I can't even pretend to afford them. Will someone with size 9 feet buy them please? And then wear them once and tell me what it feels like to don such over-the-top gorgessity. And then, upon seeing me cry, have a sudden pang of guilt over all of that useless disposable income and pity-Purolator them to me? And then watch my YouTube video as I head down La Rambla, castanets in hand, tassels swinging whilst flamenco stomping my way into the sunset? Yup, that's how I see this going. Not happening is it...